


Dave's Own Thoughts

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Bullying, Crying, Cutting, Help, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Sadstuck, Self Harm, Suicidal Feeling, Suicidal Thoughts, Tears, Will Add More Later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 11:02:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1742408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave is normal. Right? He's just like everyone else. He gets bullied. He does not cry though. Striders don't cry. But normal people don't hurt themselves. Right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. UNO

**Author's Note:**

> The italics are Dave's thoughts. And if this is similar to another story the beginning thing. Like send me a link, because I wrote the beginning awhile ago and I think the beginning was pretty much similar, because if it is I would like to give credit to the author for the beginning. I THINK AT LEAST. IT WAS AWHILE AGO AND USED AS A PROMPT AND THAT'S IT SO???
> 
> I do requests that involve the Homestuck kids - http://flutterbeasts.tumblr.com/

 Five months ago Dave had started public school. Most of his life he just stayed home with brother while pestering his friends John, Rose, Jade, and sometimes these weird kids who call themselves trolls. After he started public school instead of staying home and taking classes online like he usually did, Dave started getting more distant from everyone. It’s not that he wanted to isolate himself.

 

 Often Dave was beat up after the first day where they saw his eyes. Some people thought they were even cool! Other’s though…

 

  Other people would hit him and push him against the locker calling him ‘demon’ or even ‘a weak pussy’ sometimes. He was a Strider. That meant he didn’t cry and that he could suck it up. Take the hits like he was taught, but it just got worse and worse over time.

 

 Right now he was coming home from school and waving to Bro before walking into his room and all but collapsing on to his own bed. It was comforting being home, but he started a almost daily ritual. He got off the bed and sat on the floor while taking out a medium sized black box that held many things. The first thing was a book Rose had sent him. It of course was wizard porn, but he smiled and sat it to the side. The other was some pictures Jade sent him of her hanging with her now dead grandpa. The last thing in the box was a little green pin button of that slimy ghost things on John’s shirt.Those were also set to the side.

 

 Now he was pulling out a small cloth that held two shiny objects. They were both razors. One small and one large. He took pride and slicing his skin apart everyday. There were good days though. Days where he was genuinely happy and rewarded himself with only a few or none at all. It was mind numbing. The sensation took away the pain or reality that helped him cope with living in the real world.

 

 He pushed his sleeves up, taking a deep breath, and then pulling it across his wrist. That was only one part of his body he had cuts and scars on. The other areas included his thighs and hips. He hated those too, but most of all his eyes. That was the big issue. Why most people hated him. They would probably hate him either way honestly. Changing one thing about his sickly looking body wasn’t going to change how people felt about him.

 

 The red-eyed boy continued slicing away, forcing little cuts with red beaded at the top to form. “Fifteen…” He mumbled.

 

 There were 15 across his wrists and he started at it again. The dizzy feeling he was getting was not always a good sign most of the time, but it felt like euphoria to him. The verge of death. He winced and pulled out a first-aid kit he bought himself, so he didn’t alarm his brother on the missing medical supplies.

  
 One day he knew he was going to seriously hurt himself. Right now though… Right now all that mattered was him cleaning it all up and hiding it all over again. He poured peroxide over the deep and some shallow cuts, making sure to clean them. Dave used a small cloth to clean away the drying blood. It turned the cloth pink and once he was done he just laid back down to go to sleep. Just like he had been doing for 5 months.


	2. DOS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro decides to confront Dave and suddenly things get tense for the younger Strider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for anyone who reads this lame ass fanfic??? Also that link I asked for in Chp. 1. Yea. I wanted to say that just in case someone else decides. 'Hey! I wrote something like this! They stole it!' I would like to avoid that.
> 
> http://turnt3chg0dh34d.tumblr.com/ - Stridercest Fanfic Requests Are What I Take!!!

 Dave wakes up to the loud noise of the door slamming shut and he hopped up hiding the razors, wiping them down quickly. He also shoved his sleeves down and hissed from the healing cuts. Bro had the door flying open in no time while Dave just kicked the box under the bed. “Kid. Dinner. Living room. Now.” That was all the warning he got before the door was shut again and he sighed in relief to Bro not finding his stash of good and to some bad things.

  


 The boy changed his clothes quickly to hide the blood that seeped through his sleeves. The slices had opened back up from the slight pressure pressed on to them and he wrapped a bandage around them while tossing on a hoodie to cover up any suspicion. He eventually walked out counting his footsteps to himself. 18. He sat down next to Bro and nudged him with his hand lightly. “Where’s the food?”

  


 “Lied there’s nothing really to eat. Right now at least.”

  


 “Oh.” Dave furrowed his brows slightly while giving a concerning look. “Then what’s up with you bringing me all the way out here and not feeding me?” There was a loud displeasing sigh from his brother. Dave thought he was in trouble for something. Then he was in a small panic mode. His heart was starting to race and his breathing quickened while trying to hide the fear. Maybe he brother saw something Dave did that he wasn’t suppose to.

  


 “The school called and said you got into another fight. I know you think it’s you against the world and you probably kicked their ass,  but that’s not the point.”

  
  


 “I didn’t kick their ass. I didn’t even start the fight.” Dave was happy that his brother was just worried- well no. Mad. Upset. About the fights, but it wasn’t like he even won or started fights. _They_   won. _They_ started fights. He tilted his head down slightly showing shame. His heart beat was normal now and he was nothing, but kind of sad about the whole ‘Bro thinks I’m a pussy, too...’ thing. “It’s always THEM.”

  


 “It doesn’t matter. You gotta like tell someone or some shit. That’s how it works right?” _No. That's not how it works. That's not how anything works._

_  
_

“Just you gotta stop or the school is going to kick you out. It’s not like there is really another school around here.” _I can't stop. It's too hard._

_  
_

 Bro paused and stared to say something else as Dave noticed, but he saw Bro was busy just staring at him. He shook slightly before letting out a pathetic whine. Then a partially silenced sob. Dave had tears rolling down his cheeks and face in palms within seconds letting out loud sobs. He wasn’t paying attention to Bro anymore and just kept wailing along with that weird hiccuping you do when you’re crying becomes too hard to keep in. When you just can’t stop.

  


 Someone’s arms were around his shaking body. Someone was trying to comfort him. He buried his face into that someone’s chest while clenching the fabric of that someone’s shirt. Of course that someone was Bro, but Dave found him crying even harder at the point where once it started slowing down his eye’s were red and puffy. He was embarrassed that the other saw him break his facade, but was taking deep breaths to accumulate more air.

  


 Dave saw the wet spot on his brother’s shirt. “S-Sorry…”

  


 “It’s okay, princess.” Dave was okay with that nickname, but other times he rolled his eyes over it. Irony he guessed. He took a final breath before slowly returning to a normal breathing pattern. “You wanna just go get something to eat? Somewhere not here?”

  


 “Really?” Dave questioned.

  


 “Really.” Bro gave a small smiled and Dave dried his eyes while crawling off the futon and away from the living room. He walked into his room grabbing socks and placing those on along with shoes. Dave walked back out and saw the door open indicating Bro already left. He walked out and downstairs to the other’s truck, getting in. It was old of course, but reliable.

  


 “One down the street? Or the nice one across town?” Dave thought it over. They didn’t get to go out often, so the nicer one sounded good. “The nice one across town.” A car ride sounded nice too.

  


 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TYPOS MY MAIN MAN.


	3. TRES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Bro go out to eat then to the park. Cuddles and nice times ensured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. Fluffy chapter. Wow these are quick chapters and quickly uploaded, but I feel bad for not really uploading anything very good lately so sadstuck and cuddles are cool.
> 
> http://turnt3chg0dh34d.tumblr.com/ - Stridercest Fanfic Requests Are What I Take!!!

 It took awhile as they drove along the street. There was a small park near the apartment that Dave used to go to when he was younger with his Bro. It was fun. Bro used to push him on the swing Dave would be the world’s happiest kid with his big brother in that moment. When he got easily excited and easily entertained along with a strange form of happiness. Now he felt more broken and used.

 

 After about 30 minutes Dave snapped out of his trance where he was thinking about his younger days. They were at the rather nice Chinese restaurant. He climbed out of the old truck and Bro walked out too. They were the coolest people as they walked towards the doors, opening them. Dave stayed behind to keep it open for a nice couple. He then followed behind them and saw Bro already walking to find a seat with the waiter.

 

 The red-eyed Strider followed them and sat across from Bro in a cushy booth. “I have not been here in awhile…” Dave said while picking up the menu and looking over the contents. The waiter left for a brief moment, taking someone else’s order then came back to take their drink orders. “Orange soda.”

 

“Do you guys serve AJ?”

 

“Excuse me?” The female waiter with long blonde hair asked questioningly.

 

“Applejuice.” Dave sounded a bit annoyed, but tried pushing it off.

 

“Of course. Are you ready to order yet or should I give you two… a moment.” There was a pause. The women was trying to figure out if they were together, friends, or family. She must of picked family with the way she batted her eyes at Bro and bent over slightly to take his order. “Orange chicken and pork fried rice.” Dave spoke up to interrupt the obvious flirting.

 

 “Same.” Bro said while looking back at Dave instead of the waitress. “You getting the hots for the cutie with the booty, Bro?”

 

 “No, Dave. Her breath smelled bad and her hair was obviously bleached which made it look dead and frizzy. Plus she talked to me like _I_ was the idiot.”

 

 “Bro. I was talking about me, duh. I’m the cutie with the booty. The cutie with the booty is me.”

 

 There was a smile almost barely there smile between him and his brother and they sat having polite conversation while going over various topics from robotics and smuppets. All Bro’s things, but Dave enjoyed the time they spent together since it was usually brief. The food arrived in the middle of a conversation about why rude people were so damn rude. Which is a legitimate conversational piece.

 

 Dave dug in and Bro ate at a slower pace, but did eat quite quickly. It tasted good. Though Chinese food was always good. And when he got home he could just eat it again, because that’s how Chinese food works after 20 minutes. He actually finished off his meal and Bro came in second. Bro paid for the meal and the waitress came back, writing her phone number on the check. “Looks like you have an admirer.”

 

 “Dave we’re not coming back on Tuesday nights.” Dave nodded and gave a small laugh.

 

 “So Bro… You’ll thank me when it’s Wednesday?”

 

 They both got up and went back to the truck heading to the god awful, but amazing goof apartment. “Bro. C-Can we do something else too?” Bro thought it over and shook his head. “Nothing is even open.”

 

 “The park is. You know _that_ one.” His brother started the truck and started driving without another answer. Dave thought he fucked up the _moment_ again and once the were getting close to the house Bro took a right, leading them to the park. There was a small spark of happiness and the younger boy practically stop, dropped, and rolled out of the truck before it even stopped to get the first and highest swing even if there was no one else. It was always something you were suppose to do no matter the circumstances.

 

 Bro got there first by flashstepping as Dave sat down, feeling the oddly bumpy seat. He looked back seen Bro and gave a small whine. “Bro! This was my seat!” Dave’s brother hated whining. He felt arms around his waist pulling him closer and closer to Bro’s chest. Admittedly, it was warm and pretty comfortable. “Whatever, princess.” Dave gave up and let Bro hold him as they swung slowly.

 

 “I’m glad there aren't too many lights here. We can see the stars.”

 

 “That’s sappy as hell. Didn't know you had it in you, Davey.”

 

 “Oh _shut up_.” There was a deep laugh from Bro that Dave could feel vibrate through his backside and chest. He let his eyes slip shut after a moment and shifted, getting more comfortable on Bro’s lap. Dave fell asleep, but was aware of what was going on. It was that restless sleep where he knew Bro was carrying him to the truck. He knew he was turning on the truck. And he knew there was a small peck on his lips that made his cheeks heat up, but it was as if he in sleep paralysis, so all he could do was let out a small smile.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TYPOS!! WHY YOU NO TELL ME!!! lol. No. but seriously tell meeeee. :33


	4. CUATRO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave getting up all Shaky Waky Eggs and Bakey. Because bacon and eggs are good, but for real. Bro has some bad news for Dave and more tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters are all i can afford, but I don't think most people mind???
> 
> http://turnt3chg0dh34d.tumblr.com/ - Stridercest Fanfic Requests Are What I Take!!!

 When he woke up he was nuzzling against some sort of heat source. He opened his sleep-encrusted eyes while starting at plain white. Dave was hugging all up on his brother. He gave a small smile and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and tangled their legs together. Dave loved moments like this and wished they lasted longer, but he only had until Bro woke up to enjoy it.

  


 “Morning, princess.” The voice startled him and he nearly fell off the bed, but only out of Bro’s arms that were wrapped around his torso. Quickly Dave returned to the warmth of his brother and hide his face into his neck.

  


 “Not funny…” He mumbled while looking up at him. This was also a rare moment where their shades were placed aside. Red and Orange eyes uncovered and unhidden from any dangers. Dave sighed as his brother got up laughing at Dave’s comment. He left and Dave guessed that was his signal to follow. They walked into the kitchen where Bro started making breakfast and Dave ran away to take a quick shower.

  


 Once the younger Strider had finished washing out his hair and scrubbing his body down it was time for breakfast. “Bro! What did ya’ make?” He smiled and sat at a stool next to the counter waiting for his glorious dish. “Hashbrowns, eggs, and bacon. Normal stuff.”

  


 Dave was happy with it and ran over to the futon where Bro usually slept. He flipped on the TV while Bro walked over with two plates and two forks in hand. The smaller heaping was handed to Dave and the larger to Bro himself. They ate in silence staring at the colorful pictures blurring across the screen.

  


 The red-eyed Strider watched him from afar… or this end of the couch. He wished he could be held by him again. It was nice. They never got to do anything like they did last night or this morning. This was all rare, but Bro probably did it to try and get him to stop crying. Since Dave broke his facade. His stoic face. His basically only thing.

  


 He stood up while finishing his food earlier and walked into the kitchen placing the plate in the sink expecting his brother to wash it later as he walked into his room. John should be up by now. So should Jade and Rose. Maybe he could pester one of them. It’s not like he had anything better to do.

  


\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist at 10:49am --

TG: yo rose

TG: how are things with you and your just as freaky mother

TG: things are chill over here

TG: super chill

TG: so chill its like a tundra

TG: ice cold

TG: theres penguins wearing fucking sweaters because its so chill

TG: santa moved away because it was too cold

TG: the sea lions all died

TG: its tragic and now the humans are being affected too

TG: its a worldwide blizzard

TG: everyone is dead

TG: well

TG: guess youre not there

TG: pester me later then

TG: yo

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist at 10:58am --

  


 He sighed and jumped up walking over to his bed falling face first. His house was pretty boring sometimes. There was nothing to do. Dave looked up at the ceiling. It was so boring in the house at the moment even though he had access to tons of video games, books, and just about anything. After thinking about what else to do. Someone started pestering him. He was excited, because he thought it was Rose or even John.

  


 It was Bro. Even if he was in the other room his brother was that much of a lazy ass.

  


\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:16am --

TT: Living room now.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:17am --

  


 Dave let out a heavy sigh and logged out of pesterchum while making his way to said living room. Bro was there with his lips pressed into a thin line. “Kid. We need to talk again. It’s more about well… me this time.” He watched Bro motion his fingers over to him, so he walked over and sat down. “What about you?” Bro opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but he closed it again. “We’re broke.”

  


 “What? How?” Dave had slightly wide eyes and lips twitched down into a frown. “We just are or at least we were technologically robbed. I can’t exactly improve banks. That also means I’m losing you.” Dave stared at him and horror and shook his head no. He tried getting the words out, but he couldn’t speak. “N…” It died off and he started crying again. Bro pulled him into a hug as he sobbed once again on his chest. Dave was sitting in his lap pounding against his chest with his fist as he wailed.

  


 “We still have a few days together, Dave. They don’t think I’m a fit parent exactly.”

  


 “What the fuck! You’re like the f-fittest parent! The best bro!” He meant it, but these last two days were the most emotion he had shown in a long time. Dave felt Bro’s breathing quicken. His brother was crying. Not like he was, but crying. He cried even harder at the sight of Bro crying. Dave was going to get one damn thing in before Bro left though. He had to tell him. “I-I should sh-show you something.” He clenched his own sleeves hesitantly.

  
 Bro watched and Dave instead just stood up and back and started peeling off his clothes. He could tell Bro was about to tell him to stop before the scars on his wrists along with the cuts showed. Along with the ones on his hips and thighs. He was in his boxers still and stood in front of him shyly. “Dave…” There’s was something there that he could tell was disappointment and he hoped he also was worried. Just hoped he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T Y P O S - Also like sorry short chapters are my thing and i cant update things with long chapters because im lame, but yeah. sorry if you don't like this story much. i guess it okay??? im my own opinion, but i dont want to sound so vain/conceited. Bluh. Just cool. Yea. Yeah. Yup. Ye. Yes. Yeahs. Yesh.


	5. CINCO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A VERY VERY VERY SHORT Bro P.O.V. for the last days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorts sorry. WILL MORE THAN LIKELY MAKE IT LONGER, BUT ONLY MAYBE BECAUSE ITS LIKE 12:40am!!!
> 
> http://turnt3chg0dh34d.tumblr.com/ - Stridercest Fanfic Requests Are What I Take!!!

The First Time

 

‘The First Time’ Bro had noticed was when Dave kicked something under the bed to hide it from him, but he wouldn’t go through his little brother’s stuff. That was wrong and an invasion of privacy. Dave did a lot of stuff like that lately, but it was getting out of hand and his little brother was acting weird. More distant than usual. Dave was just getting into so many fights.

 

 He was worried about him.

 

The Second Time

 

 ‘The Second Time’ Bro noticed something was going on when Dave broke. His little brother couldn’t take some form of mental pain or physical anymore and broke. He tried his best to comfort and hug him through it. It was emotional pain. Something happened and Dave was just tired. He could understand that, so he did his best to help his princess through hard times at that age.

 

The Third Time

 

 ‘The Third Time’ was well now.

 

 Bro paced broke the news to Dave that they were broke.

 

 That Dave would be taken away.

 

 And Dave revealed something that Bro didn’t want to know… or see ever in his lifetime.

 

 Anything but this.

 

The Present

 

 It happen fast, but it felt surreal seeing his little brother half naked and scarred from almost head to toe. Bro looked stoic as ever. He sighed and placed his face into his palms. He wanted to ask why, but that was so cliche.

 

 “So this is what you’ve been up to?”

 

 Dave didn’t answer his question, but he looked up with him giving a nod. There were tears running down both of their faces and Dave moved to sit down next to Bro. Before he got the chance though Bro pulled the younger Strider into his lap and took his wrist pressing kisses against the skin. He moved down Dave’s arm and then to the next. He did the most sappy thing and placed a kiss on his forehead while moving Dave’s pale hand to his cheek and running his thumb over the younger boys hand.

 

 He gave a small smile even as more wracking sobs slipped from Dave’s lips. Bro’s princess was shaking in his lap as he held him close. “I-I lo-”

  
 “I know, Dave. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> typos. ALSO SORRY SHORT THINGS.


	6. SEIS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very minor stuff. FOR NOW. But heavy makeouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. Totes getting there. Short chapters r gr8t 4 me.
> 
> http://turnt3chg0dh34d.tumblr.com/ - Stridercest Fanfic Requests Are What I Take!!!

 Dave was red in the face, but had an aching feeling in his gut from not telling his Bro when they only had day’s left with each other. He started crying for the 100th time in the last few days while rubbing at his eyes, to try to get the burning to stop but it just got worse. He could see that look on his face. Soon enough he was in Bro’s lap being kissed all over his wrists and face.

 

 He let out another small cry and had his hand resting on Bro’s cheek. Dave leaned his forehead against Bro’s. “I-I don’t want to leave.” He felt sorry for himself. He didn’t want to leave. Dave was over the wounds. What mattered more was as he thought his life was falling apart before it was so much worse now. Dave had arms wrapped around his waist and he hugged Bro under his arms.

 

 The boy had his face tucked into the crook of Bro’s neck, inhaling his scent. It was nice to smell something that comforted him. He carefully placed a few small kisses as he felt hands rubbing comforting circles into his back. “Dave. We’re going to do whatever you want to do for the next for days, okay? So you know…” He nodded while pulling back and lightly pressing his lips to Bro’s.

 

 Bro pressed back in a friendly manner, but Dave pushed past that limit. He deepened the kiss while tilting his head and parting his lips to flick his tongue out against Bro’s. There was a long pause between the two and Dave did it a second, then a third time. Bro finally gave in parting his lips and letting his tongue press between the other boy’s lips, exploring his mouth. “You’re such a beautiful boy. My princess.”

 

 “I love you, Bro.” It was the last comment made as Bro laid Dave down on the couch, hovering above him. Dave wrapped his arms around the other’s neck, pulling down for another passionate kiss. They did that for a moment or two before Dave lifted his legs up, resting them on Bro’s waist. He bucked his hips up on instinct and moaned quietly. Bro bit Dave’s lip softly and went back to deeply kissing him.

 

 Dave pressed himself against Bro’s waist while letting out a few small noises. “N-Not tonight little bro.” He let out a whimper and ground his hips against Bro’s. “P-Please…” Bro shook his head and moved down sucking the skin on the younger Strider’s neck, leaving red marks. He bit harshly into the skin while moaning against it once Dave’s hand reached up, groping his brother. He had caught the other off guard.

  
 All they did was made out with some heavy petting for awhile before calming down and falling asleep. Dave knew Bro didn’t want to do anything… but he was going to convince him one way or another. Dave snoozed soundly in his brothers arms. This was the second time he was in his brother arms falling asleep and smiled while sliding up. He kissed Bro chastely one last time for the night at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking tell you. Typos.

**Author's Note:**

> Hella. Tell me if there are any typos. And comment??? If it's okay???


End file.
